And deep inside my mind, the voice whispers the word
It’s been a while I haven’t heard that. For the moment, it’s just a fantasy.
I’m so much sad. And I don’t know how long I will be able to live with the person I hate the most. Myself. I don’t know. I don’t know why I’m here, with that monstruous hate inside me. Hate erodes my mind a little more each day.
I know my death may affect some people, but they will forget. We will be all forgotten after our death.
I don’t know. A piece of shit like me shouldn’t be born.
I didn’t realize until now how I damaged my body with my self harm behavior.
After that friend who saw my burn and my scar on my arms few days ago, at my nursing school, today another of my friends saw the countless scars I have on my left shoulder. I was wearing a short sleeve shirt, but when I took off my coat, the sleeve was accidentally pulled up. I thought she didn’t see anything, but it was too late. She asked me what was that, and I said it was nothing. But I had tears in my eyes and I had to make a huge effort to not to cry. And she noticed it.
And at the end of the afternoon, she sent me a message on facebook, asking if I am really ok.
And I lied, as usual, writing everything is fine for me, except that the final exams are coming, and I’m a bit stressed, but like everyone else. “Don’t be worried” I wrote.
I am such a fucking moron… I don’t want my friends to worry about me. I don’t deserve it. I don’t want people to know. I just want to be forgotten.